This post was originally published on Chicago Moms Blog.
As I begin to get my 6 year old ready for first grade, I understand (intellectually) that I want him to experience everything school has to offer academically, socially, and emotionally. What I’m realizing, however, is watching him learn social and emotional skills (skills taught when there are disagreements on the playground and when fighting happens during free play) can sometimes be too much for me to handle as a mom.
My inner voice juggles the following conversation “I want to protect him versus he needs to experience all aspects of kindergarten, including social conflicts in his classroom.” I know I can’t keep him in a bubble, but when I see his feelings hurt, my Mother Hen instincts go into overdrive. I find myself resisting the urge to be an overprotective and interfering mom.
Instead of being overprotective, I want to provide him with the right tools so he can be respectfully assertive, so he can have self-respect, and so he can communicate how he feels with others in an appropriate, non-passive, and non-aggressive way.
The first assertiveness tool that I’m teaching my son, thanks to the recommendation of his kindergarten teacher, is having him practice looking people in the eyes and using a sentence that starts with “I don’t like it when…“. He using this tool at school and at home. He now tells little brother, for example, “I don’t like it when you take my toys out of my room.” Instead of just getting upset, he is starting to communicate how he feels about the situation. I’m his mom, so of course I’m extremely proud of him.
The Mother Hen in me would I love to put my son in a bubble so he’s never hurt by other people’s words. But the evolving mommy in me, the part of me who wants him to grow up to be an independent, respectful, kind, contributing member of society, is realizing it’s not about the hurtful words he hears in kindergarten. It’s about the life lessons he’s learning and the skills he will master because of these situations.
That’s a big ah-ha mommy moment for me.
I’m realizing this is just the beginning and it’s my responsibility to provide him with the skills he needs to navigate his way through the world. Now I’m realizing, this just may be the true meaning of being a mom.
