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Being selfish is the theme for today’s short and to the point post.
Practicing the art of life balance requires you to practice being selfish.
IT IS OKAY TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST!
BEING SELFISH CAN BE A SELFLESS ACT!
We seem to create so many excuses for not practicing the art of being selfish…
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EXCUSES FOR PUTTING OURSELVES LAST Children. Motherhood. Career. Bad Habits. Relationships. |
I stand firm behind the airplane/oxygen metaphor.
You must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.
This is your moment!
Jump down to the comments section and let me know how you practice the art of being selfish! Let’s celebrate the moments of when we put ourselves first!
Do you disagree? Do you think practicing being selfish is horrible? Let me know in the comments section.
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I don’t think it’s horrible at all. For moms especially, there’s the temptation to let ourselves go and completely focus on our family. And by letting ourselves go I don’t mean just looks. I completely agree with you!
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Hospitalized with Meningitis
Hi Stacey,
I think by being selfish we can gain more respect. It shows we love ourselves and teaches our friends and children we’re not a doormat. Your airplane/oxygen metaphor says it all.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..NBOTW – Her Spirit Will Move You
We have to put ourselves first if we want to really have the life we desire. That doesn’t mean we’re selfish in the meaning we typically associate with the word – caring too much about ourselves and not enough about others. It’s a balance (is that good Stacey, I was able to use the word “balance” – see your ideas are rubbing off on me!!). Caring for ourselves so that we can adequately care for others.
I used to not be selfish enough with my health. And, to that end, I had much less energy to play with my kids a few years ago. Once I became “selfish” with my health, I had the energy I needed to play games with my kids, to play tennis with my wife, and to really accomplish more during the day because I didn’t feel lethargic. Now, I take time for myself to exercise. It’s my time. And it’s important. And I reap the rewards every minute of the rest of the day.
Lances last blog post..Don’t Ever Give Up
I guess the negative vibe associated with the word selfish makes people go to the other extreme and not focus on self. I started seeing these kind of selfish activities as self nourishing and that changed a lot of things in my life. Nourishing self became easier and a priority as well since an imbalanced me cannot love/take care of others as well as I would like to.
Avani-Mehtas last blog post..How To Pick Your First Anger Management Area – Anger Management Series Part IV
@Vered – One of my greatest passions is to reach out to new moms who can so easily slip into a life without time for their needs and passions.
@Barbara – “It shows we love ourselves and teaches our friends and children we’re not a doormat”. Amen!
@Lance – Great use of the word balance!!! “Caring for ourselves so that we can adequately care for others.” – Well said.
@Avani-Mehta – “Self Nourishing” is a very positive way of saying “be selfish”. It reminds me of the campaign for calling prunes “dried plums”. : )
I love this metaphor…You can’t help someone if you also need help.
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@Chris – It’s one of my favorite metaphors that I always keep in my back pocket.
I insist on having my quiet time. So there will be times when I opt out of family outings so that I can have the chance to nurture my soul, meditate or do the things I feel happy in on my own.
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Mind Travel To Ancient Egypt
I have to agree with Avani on this one. I term being selfish as “taking care of myself”.
And guess what, motherhood was actually what taught me the importance of being selfish. Being selfish is actually a pretty selfless thing to do …it is one of my favorite paradoxes in life.
Mayas last blog post..Are we taking the time to meditate?
One belief that’s served me well is — if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of other people. The better you can take care of yourself, the better you can take care of other people.
I am with Lance. I don’t consider putting myself first, in terms of being stronger both mentally and physically, selfish. If I am not at my best how can I help others, both family and friends.
I do this every single morning.
EVERY.
Now, I’m willing to get up @ 430a to do it (worth it to me) but on the rare occasions my daughter is also awake I keep on with the ME TIME and wait for my husband to get her.
I need this time to be able to GIVE all day long.
M.
MizFits last blog post..To journal or not to journal? What’s your answer to *that* question?
I really do believe that when I give myself that “me” time on a daily basis, it in turn, makes me a better mommy and wife.
My time is in the morning. I have an hour or so of exercise/shower time while hubby watches the kids. He works nights so this works out for some good one on one with the kids for him before he goes to sleep.
I also consider their naptime my time as well. I try to not do too many household chores during those two hours. It’s my time to blog, read, or watch a show I had recorded the night before.
I really need these times for my own sanity. I don’t consider it selfish 😉 just a need like eating or sleeping!
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@Evelyn – Good for you! I also opt out of family outings so I can nurture my soul. My entire family benefits from this decision. We need to be telling more moms that THIS IS OKAY!
@Maya – Motherhood forced me into practicing the art of life balance too. I figure the only other option was gloom.
@J.D. Meier – Well stated! I’m wondering if I need to soften my words from “being selfish” to “self nourishing”.
@Dave – Yep. There is definitely more than one definition of the word “selfish”.
@MizFit – Good for you! I do this every single day too.
@Annette – My husband has learned that I am a better mommy and wife when I get my “me” time. I could NOT imagine not having that kind of support from my husband. I am blessed.
Absolutely not selfish. But often there are people who absolutely will not take the time – they give so much to others – so then you have to help them understand the benefit “me” time has on others!
Often when I present I talk about your bills and your bank account. If there is no money, bills can’t be paid. We work to replenish the account. If you aren’t replenishing your personal mind/body “account” you don’t have the energy that is required for caring for others. You have to take some time to replenish! So important.
@Stacey – I spend a lot of time wondering why some people (especially moms) absolutely will not take the time they need to replenish and nurture themselves. I think you summed up my life passion in new words today… to help people understand the benefit of “me” time.
If only everyone would view “me-time” as NOT selfish time. If you take care of the roots of a tree, they will take care of the branches. If you’re the roots of your tree (ie everyone leans on you), you’ve got to take care of yourself, in order to take care of anyone else.
Sometimes people use this as an excuse for too much “me-time” and that’s when it gets selfish, but that’s why it’s all about balance. 🙂
I love the oxygen analogy. My wife won’t take fifteen minutes to herself without being forced, despite the fact that she ALWAYS comes back better for it.
Stacey,
My marriage is in shambles because we were both being unselfish. We only thought of the family, not of us as a couple or as individuals. You are right, you must put on the oxygen mask first…
Brian
Brians last blog post..Down by the river…
I have the hugest problem saying NO to people. I need to take a day and just say no to everything anyone says to me. I htink it would be healing, and people would stop asking me for things. I’ll probably lose some friends, or my job, but whatevs.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Grounded Fitnesss last blog post..The Difference Between Boys and Girls
@Sarah – As I mentioned to J.D., I’m wondering if I need to soften my words from “being selfish” to “self nourishing”. I think “practice being selfish” makes a bold statement, but maybe it will turn too many people off from embracing the concept.
@Writer Dad – What do you think it would take to catapult your wife to see and embrace that Ah-Ha moment of putting herself first?
@Brian – I hear you. Someone needs to invent an oxygen mask fit for two. Not only do we need to put ourselves first, we also need to keep our significant relationships thriving. I believe putting ourselves first is the first step to being able to be fully present in any relationship. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
@Grounded Fitness – Remember that you have a right to say no. Perhaps you can provide alternative suggestions to the people who are wanting things from you. I was recently reading an article on the Mayo Clinic website that talked about saying no. Here is what they had to say… “When you say no, you’ll be able to spend quality time on the things you’ve already said yes to….Saying no will free up time to pursue other hobbies or interests…If you’re overcommitted and under a lot of stress, you’ve got a much better chance of becoming sick, tired or just plain crabby, which won’t benefit you or anyone else.”
Stacey,
Love the title, and I totally agree with you on being selfish in order to take care of yourself first! Take care
YES YES YES!
There – I’ve said it – we can’t help other people if we don’t nurture ourselves.
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Motherhood was what taught me that we have to put our own needs into the mix and it’s not being selfish, it’s actually helping the whole family. We can’t be there for our children, our spouses or our friends if we feel depleted, exhausted or we’re sick and slowly going mad.
My mother left our family when I was a child, so when I became a mom I was determined to be so frigging perfect that my son would never doubt for a millisecond that he came first. The problem was motherhood is such an adjustment anyway that it didn’t take more than 18 months for me to start falling to pieces. I was tired, unfit, overweight, had terrible back and neck pain, and i was so hard on myself I alternated between crying and screaming.
Everyone suffered, not just me and that’s when I saw that I couldn’t go on that way. I realized my mom had never taken care of herself when we were a family – she always put herself last – and I think in many ways that led to her drastic actions and to regrets which she has lived with for the past 25 years. I decided then that I would show my son that I may be his mom, but I’m a human being too. I have needs and they deserve attention, just like his, just like his dad’s. I want to have so much inside of me to give the two of them and that means I need to give that same quality of care to myself.
Wow, that turned into a bloody essay, didn’t it?
Kelly 🙂
I do agree, to a certain extent Stacey. I think the key here is balance, most people take everything to extremes unfortunately.
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If a person is not selfish to some degree then they must be “self less”. Without self, going through life only for others and dening themselves. People by nature are born selfish and self centered. Newborns are proof of that, no babie ever took it’s mother into concideration when having a tantrum. So we go through life either working to overcome our selfishness or we go through life indulging in selfishness. The key we seek is balance because without it life becomes very dificult for us. So yes there is a healthy degree of selfishness as well as selflessness. Balance, as with everything in life.