The Opposite Effect: Tips to Help Save Your Sanity

Sleep deprivation is something we moms have in common. I think next to nurses and doctors who work 72 hour shifts, we come a close second in terms of ongoing work, chores and all-around child care. In a world of unwashed laundry piles and semi-cooked meals, we as moms are always on the lookout for the next blessed opportunity to put the baby to sleep (and keep him sleeping through the night) so we can take a breath and relax. I know that I am in a constant state of looking forward to time out for myself. But sometimes the “me time” I crave is not in the form of a quiet window of nothingness. That would be too much luxury, wouldn’t it?

I believe it is the hardest job on earth to master our juggling act of wife-mom-cook-cleaner-laundrywoman-scheduler-driver-babysitter, so we deserve time out to twaddle our thumbs. How can we find those windows of breathing space and relaxation when our vocation deems it necessary for us to be moms 24/7? How can we achieve the art of doing nothing when so many things call us to their attention?

Well… It’s a simple matter of changing our frame of mind, really, and it involves one simple act: being the opposite.

Why Choose the Opposite Effect?

Why put such a premium on something so abstract and intangible, you say? How in the world is this an act of self-care? Well, really, it’s because we’re already so absorbed in everything. Realistically, there’s no way we can retreat to solitude every time we feel the need to relax and unwind. However, by shifting our mindsets to see amazing aspects of our mundane lives, we open ourselves up to a whole new world of expectations.

I’m not saying we’re all suddenly supposed to be perky, peppy and annoyingly optimistic. There’s nothing real about that. Finding amazing aspects about ordinary things can go either of two ways, the ridiculous or the redemptive. Let’s strive towards the latter, shall we?

Doing the Opposite Effect

Here’s how you can experience a turnaround in the following scenarios:

1. Tenderness vs. Annoyance: The next time hubby leaves his clothes strewn on the floor while making a beeline for the couch and remote control, avoid the temptation to be irritated. Instead, remember why you love him, go up to him and bring up a fond memory. Laugh about it with him. After a little cuddle, hint at the shirt that needs to be picked up. The result: You would have avoided getting irked or irritated, and would have instead reaffirmed your love for your spouse. (This means less wrinkles on your face, too!)

2. Contentment vs. Disappointment: So you didn’t get to go to the spa today, didn’t squeeze in a ten-minute power nap, didn’t get to do nine things out of your 10-item to-do list. Take a breath and be grateful. Boil yourself a pot of herbal tea, and take a few minutes of alone time to reflect on what is good in your life — don’t you dare give any thought to what didn’t work out today! The result: You would have avoided feeling down and tired, and that momentary time-out would have given you an extra happy boost to fuel the rest of your day.

3. Quiet vs. Chaos: Our homes are full of noise pollution: blaring TVs, music players, computers, the washer/dryer, and a horde of other household appliances. After lunch time, shut everything down for half an hour. Commit to making this time a time for quiet. Go into your room, draw down the shades, dim the lights, spritz some linen spray and take a moment to lie down. Fall asleep, if you can. Connect with God, with yourself, and come into the quiet. The result: You would have avoided the temptation to get stressed, and the self-imposed lull in chores will have restored you for the afternoon.

4. Simplicity vs. Multiplicity: Face it – some days, you aren’t supermom. It’s OK, we are all human beings. Once a week, put a self-imposed moratorium on your multi-tasking. If this must be a Saturday, then by all means, block it off. Send the kids over to your mom’s or a friend’s and retreat, retreat, retreat! How you wish to define your alone time is up to you. However, it must be at least half a day, spent alone, and consisting of acts and practices you yourself view as healing and purifying. The result: You would have avoided burnout, and you would be returning to your spouse and kids looking forward to another stretch of mommyhood.

There’s nothing better than feeling good and light about yourself and within yourself. I believe that, more than any other form of pampering, having a changed attitude towards the negatives in our lives will bear the fruit of thankfulness and contentment. If there is anything that can keep us healthy, happy and youthful as mothers, it is in the constant honing of these virtues. This world is too full of complaints as it is. When we combat an ungrateful world, we ultimately make it a much better place, and a more reviving environment for ourselves as well.

Martine is new to the ranks of that work-at-home mom. Though she is a former English teacher, editorial assistant and now a freelance writer, she admits that she is not a grammar geek though her work implies it. In a perfect world, she would live in a house with green gables, have a kitchen painted in Tiffany blue, and a freezer filled with a lifetime supply of Dreyer’s ice cream. In real life, she is content to practice attachment parenting with her hubby and their son, Vito Sebastian. She blogs on the domestic, the parental and the matrimonial over at The Dainty Mom.