The Monster Within

This is an original post written by contributing writer Dawna from Hiccups in Time.

Within me lives a monster…

Much of the time she is quiet.  Most times, one would not even know that she is there.  Under the “right” conditions, though, she can be summoned to the surface.

I have difficulties loving this monster that resides within.  When unleashed, she can hurt those I love most.

She growls and snarls and, sometimes, even spits.  Her teeth and claws are sharp, but her tongue can be even more so.  Her words can sometimes cut to the bone.

I have come to know, though, that we co-exist, she and I.  We are one, and suppression will only make her stronger.

Not more than a child, she is easily wounded from all the frustrations, disappointments, and overabundance of responsibility, real and imaginary, which are placed upon her.  Tucked away in the darkness, she stays.  “There is not enough time to play today”.  It is the excuse she is always given.

No light.

No toys.

Not even a teddy bear to keep her company.

Does it come as any surprise, then, that she acts like a monster when finally allowed out?  After all, how well would my own children thrive, if they were to live in the same conditions?  They wouldn’t.  Not to mention that CPS would have to get involved.

Why, then, do I treat my inner child so horribly?  Why do any of us?  After all, as spiritual beings, who know no such thing as time, our inner children know not what growing up is all about.  Just because we, as humans, advance in years, does not mean that they stop wanting to play and experience all the fun life has to offer, simply because we tell them that it’s not what a “real” adult does or wants.

And, perhaps, this is where some of the impatience with my own children stems…  Children who, naturally, need my attention.  Perhaps, the little one within sees how much they take from the time that could be hers, if, of course, there was “enough time” in the day.

I am, then, left to wonder… how does one put an end to the balking of one’s inner child/monster?  I imagine that it is no different than where one’s own physical children are concerned.  They need love, attention, nurturing, and time to be who they are, without being told who they should be.

As is the case with any child, no matter how small, they will tell us – in their own way – what they need and when.  All we have to do is listen.

So, I ask you – what is it that your inner child/monster is telling you?

Dawna, a story teller by nature, has many tales to tell – some hilarious, some heartbreaking – and has, likely, been writing them down since she was first able to form a sentence.  A stay-at-home-mom and military spouse of 19+ years, she is still relatively new to the blogosphere.  Her blog, Hiccups In Time, was born not only as a way for her to connect with others and share her unique experiences, but to offer encouragement through her stories for those facing similar situations such as the challenges of motherhood and deployment.