It’s Time Again to Celebrate Inspiring Moms!
Our next inspiring mom is Suzanne Sergis. Proud to have been born and raised in California, Suzanne is a woman who finds fulfillment in raising a family, engaging in 1.5 careers and being the creative mind behind 2 blogs. In addition to Taking Care Of You, where she inspires us all to grow our inner awareness and focus on taking care of ourselves, she can be found boosting motivation and providing encouragement over at 365 Days of Decluttering. You can follow her on Twitter at @TCOYou.
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What Life Balance Means to Suzanne
I believe that balance is better used as a verb and not a noun.
I know a true definition of balance is the moment when all is working together and nothing is moving. However, I think of life balance as the small adjustments I make to keep the scales from leaning too far. I like the small seesaw motion I feel as I am balancing the opposites and much prefer that to a fear of moving anyway whatsoever, as it will upset that perfect balance.
Two very important items I always try to remember are 1) recognize the need for adjustment before the balance is too far gone and 2) only make adjustments when it is necessary.
And, even though I stress moving forward at Taking Care Of You, I do understand the importance of looking back and appreciating our past now and again. Although we can’t change the past and we don’t have control over the future, looking back does help keep the scale more evenly balanced so that we can appreciate the moment for the present that it is.
Practice Doesn’t Make Perfect
For myself, I try to keep that balance I spoke about above; not letting one part of me tilt too far out of balance so that I begin to struggle. A small change that made a huge perspective difference for me was to add “Me Time” at 9 p.m. every night on my Google Calendar.
It may not be the peak time for the completion of a variety of things but it has squelched my inner martyr a bit to see that there is time for taking care of me every single day. Generally, I keep a healthy perspective and am aware of not judging, either others or myself. I choose to believe that most of us are doing the best we can at the time.
For my family and home life, I try to keep my home clean but not to the point of creating unrest among its inhabitants. I am neat and organized but my husband and two children are not. So, majority rules, and I just do the best I can to be responsible for myself and my things, and to teach the idea of “If everyone does a little, then no one has to do a lot”.
As a mom, I am all about spending time with my children, who I absolutely adore, and being fully there with them. There’s no electronic devices, mentally creating to-do lists for after I’m done playing with them, etc. allowed.
For my jobs and/or creative pursuits, I try to give each role I perform time for itself. At my day job, I am a fully present, valuable and conscientious employee. As an Ind. Beauty Consultant for Mary Kay, I use what I know about skin care and cosmetics to aid my customers (those awesome ladies, whom I greatly appreciate) in taking care of themselves. As a blog writer, I try to respect that it, too, needs its time. It can’t be pushed aside just because it is fairly new and I’d like to believe that no one will notice a missing post or two.
I guess you can see that the theme is “I try”. I am not perfect and I haven’t figured it all out. Doing pretty well each moment of my life will equate to doing pretty well overall, and that’s good enough for me.
Life Is Sweeter When Shared With Friends
When I read “The ABCs of Friendship” by Jennifer M. Ryan at IChooseChange, I realized that somehow, over time, my ‘A’ friends and I had let time, distance and life’s circumstances get between us. As some of those relationships could not be resumed, I looked at my ‘B’ friend relationships and realized that some of these women could grow into awesome ‘A’ friends with more time and attention. I’ve greatly enjoyed getting that area of my life back into balance because it is very important for me, as it is for many women, to have that connection with other women.
I’ve also been coming out of my shell in order to develop more ‘B’ friend relationships from my ‘C’ group of friends. Having children who are now of school-age has made that endeavor much easier because the other moms and I can definitely relate. Overall, rebalancing my relationships with my friends, aka ‘my support system’, has had a positive effect in bringing my life back into balance.
Think Positive, Always
As you probably already know, there is just so much to balance; our needs, our family life, our roles in life, a greater connection to the world around us and much more. In just about everything I do, I try to focus on the positive. If something is not going according to plan, I stay more aware of what is positive than what is not.
When my children are driving me insane, I think of a sweet or funny face they make so I can remind myself that they aren’t always crazy hooligans. Pretty much, when it comes down to it, keeping my focus on ‘thinking positive’ doesn’t allow the other thoughts to get a strong foothold in my mind. And, since the rest of my life is built upon and focuses on the positive, my life stays in balance.
This Is Your Moment
Thank you Suzanne for your honesty and insight.
After reading Suzanne’s guest post, use the comments section to let us know what life balance means to you. How do you incorporate Me Time into your daily life? What are you doing to connect with your friends? What’s your secret to focusing on the positive things in life? We want to know!
Stacey/Suzanne – I love this idea that balance is a verb, not a noun. I think this gets to the essence of it exactly. For me, it’s a constant process or assessing and tweaking, day by day, month by month, week by week. I think as soon as I let go of some idea in my head of what perfect balance ‘looks like’ I can relax and just deal with whatever life has presented to me on a particular day. Otherwise, it’s too easy to just always feel like I am falling short. Interestingly, I meditate and teach meditation, and I think meditation practice itself is exactly like this – a balancing act, between discipline and surrender, control and release.
Anyway, I like all the other points too, thanks for a great post. – Lisa
Suzanne,
What a great post! Thank you so much for the trackback link. I love the fact that you say, simply, “I try.” That is really all we can do, isn’t it? What I also love is that you say you are fully present in all facets of your life. Especially with your children, I think that is so important.
I read a quote the other day in a great book I’m reading (“Becoming Attached” by Robert Karen) and it was quoted from John Bowlby saying, “Our Children are the Father’s of Men.” I had to read it several times to really feel what that mean…I felt it in my core. WE are the father’s of men, as our parents taught us, and now we are passing down to our kids what we have to give to them. No, it isn’t perfect, but… we try. And, we must show our fathers, balance.
In all aspects of our lives, we try to be, do and give what we know we can. And yet, let’s not forget giving to ourselves, so that we can raise these “fathers to men.”
Bravo on a great post!
Jennifer =)
Lisa (mommymystic) – I hear you. Balance for me is all about a process, a journey. It’s never about a destination. And for me, it’s also about one day, one week, one month, and one year at a time. I’ll be writing more about that on my blog. And I really really dislike the word perfect. Perfect balance will never exist in my life. That is one thing I know for sure. In regards to my meditation practice, my own balance between discipline and surrender is my hardest balance yet!
Jennifer – Welcome to the Create a Balance community. I also loved how Suzanne wrote about being fully present in her life. That really jumped out at me and has stayed with me ever since I read it. I’m on vacation with my children and have been very mindful this week about being fully present with my children…even when they are screaming. Cheers to giving ourselves permission to honor and nurture our authentic selves.
Balance for me is choosing to do things because they add value and my heart agrees to do them.
Does it add value to do the dishes now or does it add value to me to sit down and have some time for ME?
This habit lets me to stop just a second before racing off and getting overwhelmed by all the tasks ahead of me. Just that little moment makes me value my time, my efforts and my heart and stops me from mindlessly exhausting myself.
Wilma – I think that’s a great way to look at balance! I was struck also by the word “do” – knowing of course this is just semantics, but wanting to also point out that sometimes self-care and balance doesn’t have to be about “doing” anything at all. As an example, what I asked from my husband for my birthday recently is a “day off” (from playing point-man with childcare duties). My husband watched my toddler twins most of the day as I went to coffee with one friend, lunch with another, shopping with another… it was all great, but not my idea of a “day off” honestly. A day off to me is simply doing absolutely NOTHING (gazing at my wall, closing my eyes to be with my own thoughts, or be blank, etc.). Yes, I guess technically those are “doing” things, but I also think we put so much pressure on ourselves to think of traditional ways to “do” self-care (a pedicure, shopping without kids, no work after hours, etc.) that we forget the art of simply doing NOTHING! Balance and self-care are such personal choices, don’t you agree? =)
Wilma – Thank you for mentioning values. Incorporating your personal values is a vital component of practicing the art of life balance. It sounds as if it really helps you put things into perspective.
Jennifer – I often find myself balancing needing to “do” with wanting to “be”.
Lisa ~ Thank you for your kind words and wonderful feedback. As you alluded to, when we let go of what perfect balance should ‘look like’, our life does seem to become balanced for the moment as we find satisfaction right where we are.
Jennifer ~ Thank you for following the link and taking the time to read my thoughts. I appreciate your insightful feedback. “When Do I Get Taken Care Of” on IChooseChange.com would also make a great read for the readers of Create a Balance & Taking Care of You. It’s very much inline with the purpose both Stacey and I have–to help others learn to take care of themselves and find balance.
“Balance and self-care are such personal choices, don’t you agree?”
Absolutely! Growing our self awareness will aid us in learning what is our “right” way. On some days, time for me might be to have time doing something in particular and, on others, time for me is having nothing to do and allowing the time to be spent as it comes. I may end up doing nothing “productive” but I still have enjoyed every minute of it because I spent time with me. 🙂
Wilma ~ I love your method. You consciously make a choice based on what you believe will add value and, eventually, fulfillment (by getting the heart to buy-in!)
Stacey ~ Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perceptions about my words. I really appreciate the opportunity you provided to share my thoughts on life balance.