This post is inspired by Angela’s post Let’s Go Kick Some Whiney Butt here at The Mom Renewal Project.
Angela writes “Sure, I expected the responsibilities that come with motherhood, I’m no fool. And I’m not afraid of hard work or struggle. But the mental/emotional pounding is getting to me.”
When I read Angela’s post it made me think about where the whiney voice is in my life. About 2 years ago I started on a journey of personal development and have kicked my own personal whiny voice for the most part. However, I’m still stuck with the one that belongs to my 8 year old autistic daughter.
My older daughter was nearly perfect. She cried only when she needed something, walked, talked and did everything else early and did it well. So, when her little sister came along and did nothing like her big sister, I was honestly lost. I was sleep deprived too. Aren’t all moms?
I took it all very personally. Nothing I did ever worked to calm and comfort my child. She cried constantly, became upset over what seemed like nothing, crying for hours at a time and had some peculiarities that we didn’t even recognize thanks to the overwhelming circumstances of her other behaviors.
There is nothing in the world like thinking you’ve lost your mama mojo. I mean, really! My first child was just fine and needed so little from me other than love and gentle reminders to not walk off the end of the bed at the age of 2. When my littlest one came along and nothing in my arsenal of mommy tools worked and everyone else looked at me like I had lost my mind, I believed them and questioned my own parenting ability. Hell, I questioned everything about myself, not just my parenting ability.
It took years and a failed marriage before we found out that there was actually something going on with my daughter. But it took even longer for me to understand that it wasn’t my fault.
So, Angela’s comment about mental and emotional pounding really hit home. I work hard with my family and with my businesses. I love work, especially challenging work. But the kind of work it takes to deal with someone like my daughter and delegating to the many support personelle takes a toll on the most healthy and well adjusted individual.
So, part of my own self renewal project is standing up to my daughter and her whiney voice. For those of you who aren’t familiar with autism, let me explain that each person with it is very different in what behaviors display though there is a range of behaviors that are similar along a wide spectrum of people.
My daughter becomes very fixated on something and can’t let it go. It might be having pizza for dinner or that only mommy can play dolls with her. Waiting is also hard for her to do because she becomes anxious that it won’t happen – ever. All of this leads to a whiney voice. Just simply telling her no won’t work. She’s not typical. Her brain can’t always process the difference between what no means, and what she wanted to happen. It sucks for her. It sucks for me.
Slowly, I’m standing up to her though. Slowly I’m making her take no for an answer when it’s time to play dolls. It isn’t easy for either of us. It still sucks. But if I can hold out long enough, she might just learn to wait on anything and I might get my mojo back.
Jenn is an empowerment coach and femprenuer. She runs Painted Laydies Mineral Makeup , blogs about tips and product reviews at AlexShares and writes for Examiner.com as a natural beauty examiner.
photo credit: Elephant wearing striped pants