Living Authenticity

It is my honor to have Evan Hadkins from LivingAuthentically.org be my guest blogger today. Evan believes living authenticity is the real way to minimize stress and is the path to joy. You can also visit him at WellBeingandHealth.net where he writes about health (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social). He is always delighted to hear from people wanting to live more authentically.

And for all my BlogHer friends, I’m so excited to see you in a week from today thanks to my sponsor ReviveYourLife.com.

ReviveYourLife.com happens to have a great post up today about strengthening your relationships by creating “me time”. How ME is that! Check it out.

photo credit: Thai Jasmine

Please welcome Evan…

In this post I want to talk about those times that we find deeply satisfying.

Perhaps you would like to stop and take a minute or two to recall those times which have felt nourishing to you as a person: not just enjoyable or fun at the time (which is great), but that have stayed with you and helped you know more of your self.

If you can recall a few of these times, then try and see what they have in common. What words would you use to describe what these experiences have in common?

A word that I need to describe these experiences is…“authenticity”.

What do I mean by ‘authenticity’? I mean a special kind of meeting, allow me to explain.

One part of the meeting has to do with me. There are some things that I care about more than others; there are some things that are closer to my idea of who I am than others. I feel that some things are close to my heart (the core of who I am) and others less so. Something I care about a lot is finding a way to make my income by doing what I love. Something I don’t care much at all is how I dress (a fashion plate I am not). I invite you to stop a moment and reflect on what is most important to you.

The other part of that special kind of meeting that I call ‘authentic’ is my situation (all those people and things ‘out there’ beyond my skin).

Those deeply nourishing times of authenticity are when there is a good fit between my self and my situation. Perhaps I am an artist who is at one with the medium I am using; perhaps I am having a conversation with a friend where we both care deeply about what we are discussing and are discovering new thoughts and perspectives as we talk. It could be a small thing like making eye contact with someone and realising that you are thinking the same thing; it could be as big as an artist finding a new way to use their medium.

Try taking a few moments now and recall some of these times from your own life. (If you can’t remember any at the moment, then imagine some.) How do you feel when you think of these times? For me, I feel good just remembering them: I feel both energised and settled at the same time. How does it feel for you to think of these times?

I think our lives will be better if we can have more authentic moments like these. And I think there are things we can do to bring this about.

One thing we can do is get in touch with what it is that we care about, what is closest to our heart.

We may have to work at this. We are often brought up to believe that this is selfish or useless: we just have to get on with what needs to be done, or, behave in the proper way – not the way that we want to. To find this out we can do things like: spend time by ourselves, recall times from our past that were deeply satisfying and talk to others who know us well (I found that, at times, others can see parts of me that I ignore).

A second thing we can do is find out what we want to do with what we care about.

An artist who uses oil paint may want to paint landscape but not human figure. A therapist may want to use actions or art making instead of talking. A designer may want to make furniture and have no interest in jewellery. A social worker may want to work with one group of people and not any other. Once we know what we care about we are able to have a sense of what we can authentically do.

A third thing is to look for or create the right situation.

This will usually be a place where we are supported to experiment and where ‘mistakes’ are not held against us. A place where we are encouraged to learn from ‘mistakes’ as well as ‘successes’. It may also be a place where we can learn from others – there are tips, tricks and techniques in just about any field that others who have gone before us have discovered, and that can save us enormous amounts of time and frustration.

For me these times of authenticity are a big part of what makes my life nourishing and worthwhile. I hope this post can help you have more of them too.