Facing Outward To Find What’s Deep Inside

It’s far too easy to get so caught up in the daily grind of motherhood, that we lose ourselves. Doing for others takes us away from doing for ourselves. Or does it?

My first pregnancy was tough. I was a 40+ mom (the medical term is elderly primigravida for a woman in her first pregnancy, who is at least 35 years old – made me feel so vibrant and pretty!) with a fibroid the size of a basketball. I was unable to continue full-time work (although I did temp a bit), but I knew I’d go bonkers if I didn’t do something more stimulating than getting ready for the baby and taking care of the house. I mean, housework just isn’t that exciting, contrary to what Martha Stewart might have us believe, and one could really go insane researching baby-related stuff. I needed to keep my mind focused on something other than myself and the life growing inside me. I decided that volunteering was the way to go. The question was: how to find the right volunteer opportunity?

I thought about my criteria:

1. The opportunity had to be something I could enjoy. If it wasn’t going to be fun, why do it?

2. It had to be something I could do after the baby was born to keep my mind stimulated beyond Elmo, thus, it had to be something I was interested in.

3. It needed to be something I could do at leisure, but on a deadline so I would do it. Accountability was important.

4. It had to be something that would look good on a resume.

5. I needed to be in contact with people I would enjoy. Organizational politics give me indigestion and I had enough of that with the kid in my stomach.

Ok, so something fun with just a hint of pressure so I’d actually do it. But where to find such a thing? I turned to www.volunteermatch.org where I was able to search for opportunities according to my geographic area and interests. After narrowing down my prospects, I interviewed for the one I liked and nailed the position (writing a computer newsletter for a senior citizens’ group). I’ve been doing it for a decade now. Not only does it meet the criteria above, but:

• It has nothing to do with kids. Let me repeat: NOTHING to do with kids. Zilch, zero, nada. It has nothing to do with PTA or school activities. My volunteer job makes me think beyond my world.




• It requires some research, so I’m always learning.




• I’m actually helping people. Seniors need to be connected to others and computers are vital to being connected.




• I’m able to do it virtually and the people I do communicate with are extremely supportive. I made it clear early on that family came first. The group has wholeheartedly respected that. Any pressure comes from my desire to do well and meet deadlines.

Volunteering reconnects me with the competent, semi-rational adult I was before I had children. By thinking of people outside my immediate world, by changing the direction I’m facing, I keep what’s left of my sanity and avoid motherhood burnout.

L. Klonsky can be found at www.newjerseymomsblog.com and http://momscrayon.blogspot.com