Creating A Personal Support System

This is an original post written by contributing writer Alexandra.

I watch as my 8 year old son bounds up to greet his friends at his Scout meeting. He is all smiles, and secure with what his friends reflect back to him, that tell him who he is. He feels accepted, valued, and I can see that.

We have so many people in our lives that help us remember who we are, and that we are not alone in life: friends, partners, co-workers, exercise buddies, bookclubbers. So many sources where we can find those who help us to remember who we are and that we belong to something more than just our small world at home.

Renee Trudeau writes of the value and therapeutic benefits of having people who understand us in our lives, what she calls a personal support system. Having friends is natural and effortless when we are young, but I have found, it takes much work later in life as we become busy. We tell ourselves, we just don’t have the time for friends the way we once did.

We are busy, there are excuses, we find things that are more important and urgent, and relationships fall to the bottom of the list.  I have let this very thing happen in my life. I felt I didn’t have the time to carve out for maintaining or creating a life outside of my children and husband.  What happened to me during this time, was a period of isolation that created a sad, unhappy mother and wife, for my family. I had no sense of belonging to anything other than just the life inside my home.

Though it is not easy to find time for friends and personal contacts, I have learned it is worth every bit of effort. Life is better knowing that there are people who care about you, and who you can turn to. The personal support system that friendships create is something that makes my life one of joy.

Friendships can be sparked in many places. There is a way to begin. Here is what I have found to be successful in maintaining, building, and connecting relationships with those outside of my children and spouse.

Make Time To Reconnect

This can be done face to face with a friend you were once close with, or a friend you have neglected. You can connect with a quick voice mail just saying that you miss their company, a short email saying you’d like to catch up with them, or a simple hand written note inviting them for coffee. It is an action set into motion that will start the wheels spinning in the right direction for contact with that person you miss in your life.

Slow Down

One of the challenges for a busy mother, is to carve out time to reach out to others outside of the home. Finding time. I have made myself make the time, since I have never been able to find the time! We need to tend to our relationships with others, to keep them alive and healthy. Making staying in touch a scheduled priority; as in, every Wednesday morning, schedule a walk with a friend, then stick to that schedule.  Making this time, rather than waiting for the time to appear, will provide refueling, relaxation, and bonding, with a friend.

Create a Quick Conversation

With the internet, emailing, voice mail, twitter, Facebook, there really is no reason we cannot  have a quick 2 minute conversation. Just to check in, ask how they are, retell a funny story, update someone on our life, or wish them a good day. It can be done. And we can do it on our own timetable. It is the communication that keeps the friendship feeling nurtured and alive.

Keep It Simple

If we wait for the right time, the right words, the right event, we can end up waiting for a time that never comes. We need to grab, snatch, make, the few minutes it takes to feel connected. It can be so simple, just a quick gesture or words saying, “Hello, I miss you, and I’m so glad you are in my life,” will let your friend know that they are important to you.

I have incorporated these few, small changes in my life in the 15 years that I have been a mother. I have seen that by making the effort, I am able to stay in touch. These small gestures on my part have made an amazing difference to me and to my presence in my friend’s lives.

It’s the power of a deliberate effort that brings its reward. And the reward of feeling connected and bonded just from a few minutes of my time on a daily basis far outweighs the few minutes I am able to give here and there.

Why not make a personal commitment to have at least 10 minutes of your day spent reconnecting or nurturing a relationship in your life? The more often you stay in touch with your friends, the more meaningful your relationship with them will become. And we are so much happier when we have those around us that make us bound up to greet them, as my 8 year old son does when he sees his friends.

Alexandra works as both a caterer and stay at home mother to 3 boys in a small town. She keeps a personal blog Good Day Regular People, where she co-blogs with her children of their adventures in homeschooling.  To quote Alexandra, “it is all snips and snails and puppy dog tails”.