This is an original post written by contributing writer Alexandra.
I fall asleep in pretty much the same manner as I’ve fallen asleep for the past 20 years; in quiet thoughts of thankfulness for all that I’ve been given, and all that I have.
I follow many blogs, and I came across a post earlier this week, in which the author wrote of perspective on life’s trials and challenges. This blogger wrote of seeing the good that was available to her in a time of tragedy, rather than seeing only the bad that the situation appeared to come with.
I commented back on how much I also lived in the same way. By making the decision to see how much good can be hidden in the worst of things that happen to us.
Giving Thanks
For me, giving thanks, thanksgiving, is something that I had to make a deliberate decision to implement in my life. I decided that I had grown tired of always feeling angry and feeling shortchanged and envious of all that others seemed to have. I did not want to wake up each morning, anymore, being dissatisfied with my life, nor did I want to fall asleep to thoughts of discontentment and emptiness, in what was my life.
I want to be thankful every day for many, many things. For the people that make up my life, for the experiences that I’ve had, for all the wonderful characters that have played roles here and there in my journey here. For the sun on my face, for a body that is still able, for a night sky full of stars, for my family, for my friends, for the ability to write and communicate, for the opportunity to contribute in some small way, even if only with my words.
Feeling Grateful Feels Good
It is the simple attitude of gratefulness that will make for the quality of your life. I want to be thankful for the people in all parts of my life. Those that play a large part, those that play smaller parts. What a blessing, if we think about it, to not be alone.
Feeling grateful feels good. That is not just a feeling in our head and heart. Research done by D. Jeannine Calaba, Psy.D., author of The Power of Appreciation, confirms that when people feel thankfulness, that good things can happen to their minds, hearts, and bodies. They sleep better, they are more content, they are more patient, they feel more fulfilled, they are more supportive to those around them, and they have more energy. People who practice gratefulness have less occurrence of depression, anxiety, envy, and jealousy.
Creating Positive Energy
Giving thanks for what we have can actually create positive energy that we pass on to others in our lives. This energy can transform relationships, improve our work attitudes, help us accept our health adversities, and make peace with aging. Being grateful can pull us through financial crises, health concerns, children with special needs, and other challenges that will happen in life.
Living in Peace
Gratitude, for me, has come to mean living in peace and quiet and joy with what I already have in my life. I can want more, absolutely, but I can work toward any goals with the peace in my heart of being happy with what I already have. I don’t pursue goals with the thought, “then I will be happy.” Gratitude for the life you have, and the people you share it with, deepens the love you have for those around you, friends and family.
It is very sad to see how many people cannot say, “I am content with my life. If I have nothing more than I have now, I will still remain content.”
Letting Go of Anger
Having gratitude makes you look at your life as much more than just luck, but as full of blessings. Being grateful, for me, releases joy.
I have spent too many years being angry over so many things that seemed unfair in my life. Anger at losing my father at only 6 years old. Anger at being raised by a clinically depressed and detached mother. Anger at trying to grow up American, but being so fresh from a different country. Anger at not fitting in during my youth. Anger at seeing all that everyone else had, things that I wanted, but not me. Anger at difficult pregnancies. Then, anger at having children born with serious health issues. Anger at not being able to make friends in a small town. So much anger.
All that anger never brought me any happiness. When I decided to become grateful and full of thanks for all that I did have, my world changed.
Counting Your Blessings
I became happy for all the unique experiences that are me. I saw how many blessings I did have. I saw just how good things had been for me. I saw the blessings that came my way, despite the tragedy of losing my father at age 6. I was bright, I was able to write, I was awarded scholarships, I was able to attend college. I was always able to communicate by written word. And, now, being able to write, here, and have someone hear my words. Not bad for a young girl whose first language heard was not English. As I said, so many blessings.
Tonight, when I lay in bed for those first few moments, I will close my eyes, and take a sweet, deep breath. I will think, and smile, with thoughts of all the good I have in my life. I have so many blessed things, and one of the things I will fall asleep being grateful for tonight, is the space here, to speak, with all of you.
I am grateful for you, who read my words here. The thought of you gifting me with your time, by reading here, fills me with joy.
Thank you.
Alexandra works as both a caterer and stay at home mother to 3 boys in a small town. She keeps a personal blog www.gooddayregularpeople.com, where she co-blogs with her children of their adventures in homeschooling. To quote Alexandra, “it is all snips and snails and puppy dog tails”.
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[…] recently came across a great blog post that focused on the need to say thanks and being grateful, and I wanted to share it with all of you. Learning from the negatives and the positives, letting […]
I am grateful that you are a contributing writer for the Mom Renewal Project. You and all of the other amazing writers inspire me and teach me something new each and every day.
With Joy, Stacey
Thank you, Stacey, for creating and maintaining such an inspiring and rejuvenating website for us. I can’t imagine the hours you put in, because you truly believe in the sisterhood of motherhood.
Thank you, from so many of us. I am grateful for being able to contribute here.
Thank you, Alexandra, for reminding us to let go of inconsequential issues in our lives. It’s good to be thankful because so many of us are granted gifts that we never know we have. Gifts of our children’s laughter, gifts of smiles from our husbands, just so many little things that make up our lives. Thank you for this gentle reminder. : )
I know for me, it was through losing so much, being brought to my knees and stripped bare, that I was able to see clearly what I really had, and that I hadn’t lost anything important after all.
This is such a powerful post. With all of your struggles (and you’ve had so many!), I love that you chose to be grateful.
It is so easy for me to focus on the negative, but that peace you are talking about? I want that.
Alexandra, this is so true. I try to remind myself of these points often, but I tend to get caught up in the petty irritants that fill my life. Thanks for the reminder!
I would never guess that you had ever been an angry person.
My oldest is a bit of a Negative Nelly. (Wonder where he gets it. Ahem.) I’m always telling him that you get back what you put out there in the world.
I work on this every day, but I’m clearly not where you are. I still have anger, but it’s getting better. It’s definitely been a process for me…as I would guess it is for everyone. I’ll have to bookmark this post and keep working on it!
Beautifully expressed and your honesty speaks volumes. It is easy to let life’s obtacles bring us down. You seem to have overcome so much and yet, you exude positivity and gratefulness.
Thank you for sharing your writing with us.
This is exactly how I live my life. It is how I was raised. My dad came down with Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was 8 and is was very limiting. My mom POUNDED it into his head all of the things he should feel good about (being able to work, not being disabled, etc) and it just became the way we lived our lives.
This is actually the basis for my Feel Good Fridays because I really wish more people would look for the good in their lives.
It is in the littlest and simplest things and once you get started it is easy to do – to find the good.
And we are grateful for you and your beautiful words.
I am recovering from the “if I have this (thinness, a baby, etc) I will be happy” complex, a paradigm shift like that takes effort but I know it’s worth it.
I love this. Usually at night I’m going over all the things I wished I’d done better as a mom that day..
This is just fabulous. Truly. You know, my mother falls asleep the same way and works very hard at gratitude. I’ve always admired her for it. But reading this post makes me realize that what you both are emphasizing is the determination to live your life this way. That is doesn’t come easily. You’re inspiring me to make more of an effort, that’s for sure. And as if you didn’t need to take a restraining order out on me already, I will now fall asleep thinking of you falling asleep. But I love the idea of ending the day with peace and calm and goodwill.
Cue Debbie Downer…
This is a great post empress. It truly is. I need to try harder to make it a point to count my blessings instead of the crap-ings (is it a word? nope but today it is).
Making mental note Empress…
Thank you.
This is so beautiful. Just what we all need at a time like this, when reflecting and being thankful are coming back to our minds. I agree with you so much on the whole mindset of feeling thankful, and watching what that does in our lives. It’s almost easier to be resentful and bitter, isn’t it? But once you start looking for those silver linings, those wished for things you didn’t even know you had, and the good that life has to bring you start out on the right foot.
Thank you for this!
I’ve always tried to be thankful and find the blessings in my life, even when I was little. I honestly don’t know how I’d have made it through some of the things we’ve endured, if I hadn’t. At the same time, I’ve had days here and there where I haven’t been that successful, but sleep deprivation can be rough on even the most thankful person. ;O)
Years ago I noticed that being around negativity breeds negativity in me, and I don’t like who I become. And I’m not talking about when someone is struggling, but when they have negativity and a lack of thankfulness about others all the time. It seems contagious, and I found myself purposely looking for the negative in someone else or in a situation. I didn’t like who I was or how I felt back then, so I made it a point to try to be around people who may have a bad day here or there but that are generally thankful people. It’s easier to be content with life and happy, if you’re not constantly being reminded of everything that’s wrong in life.
I like your post and your attitude. 🙂
Beautifully written. And yes, I understand.
I never thought of it as being grateful, but I am happy with my life. There are goals I have yet to reach, but they’re always there. Waiting for me.
Yes, you have covered all of the important aspects. There is nothing like feeling positive. It charges your soul.
Excellent piece.
True wisdom to live by…. Thank you
This was lovely. I love your perspective, and I gladly share it. I choose to use my energy gneerating thankfulness rather than bitterness and anger. Much happier way to live. How can I not, when I have so much to be thankful for? Thanks for this post, Alexandra!
I was excited to see the topic of your writing — the theme of my posts this month is Gratitude!
I want to say simply thank you Alexander for this post. It is has been a welcome reminder.
Gratitude does feel good. What a lovely way to end the day! I say that “thank you” prayer and then think a whole bunch of other stuff before falling asleep. I wish I could just end it on a good note.
This is a great post. I often struggle with this. I’m learning how to be content, but I’m definitley not where I want to be! I found the physical benefites very interesting!
Ah, yes. Counting my blessings. I try to do it every day, ESPECIALLY When things aren’t so wonderful! It can always be worse.
I find that when I think this way, I am happier, more productive, and just a better person. Beautifully written, my dear.
Too bad I didnt read this two and a half weeks ago instead of today! If you visit me you’ll see that I muddled through and eventually figured it out on my own but what a painful struggle it was.
I´m with you on this: we can deliberately chose to appreciate the goodness that´s around us. Saying thanks to people and situations will only attract more of the same. If we chose to concentrate on the bad aspects, the same will happen…
Thank you for this. Whenever I read your posts I get goosebumps. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that before, but I really would like for you to know. I find myself nodding and agreeing with everything you say. Your writing inspires me to be a better writer, Alexandra, and I am sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.
The idea of letting go of the hurt and the pain to focus on the positive is never easy… but the rewards far outweigh the cons when we think of how our entire outlook on life changes as a result. You have clearly had a lot of hurdles to get to where you are today but without those challenges, you might not have been able to appreciate the sweet returns that life often throws our way. This post has such a positive and uplifting message.
Where were you raised? I didn’t realize you weren’t born in the US. I wasn’t either, but I came here when I was much younger than you were (though English was also not my first language; German was but my parents met in France and that’s where I was born).
Yet another beautiful post from the Empress. Thank you!
I can’t even begin to put into words how amazing this post is. And how much I needed to read it. Especially the part about being angry. I harbor so much anger—at certain people in my life—-and I need to let go. And be grateful.
Alexandra, you hit this one out of the park!
xoxoxoxxoxoxo
The I AM GR8FUL CLUB is the next best thing to sitting in a conference or attending a life-changing seminar, which is usually held in some far-flung place, at great expense, having taken heaps of time away from your work or family. The iamgr8ful club is available to you at a TINY fraction of the cost, and you can learn & use our tools at any time that’s convenient for you through the power and portability of the internet.
Such an important reminder, Alexandra. I’ve been recently trying to live this way too, after always looking at the half empty part of the glass for too many years so I can really relate to this post…especially the section on anger. You and I were angry about so many similar things. I remember being so angry about everything related to trying to fit in in America. But now, I really do see the blessings. I could have been born in and stayed in China or South America. Instead I am here. All of it really hit home after I read Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt this year. I have so much, and I feel ashamed for ever feeling like it was not enough. Thanks again for another wonderful post!