“Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends.”
~ Richard Bach ~
Welcome to part three of my Authentic Happiness Series. Be sure to read part one (self care) and part two (home environment) if you missed them.
Celebrating the Circle of Friendship
photo credit: sarahfelicity
My friends are currently scattered across the world and around the United States. And my local friends are scattered across Chicagoland.
I dream of living in a neighborhood filled with friends.
My ideal community of friends would be walking distance from my house. We would laugh often, listen to each other, celebrate life, raise our children together, support each other, go to the beach together, go hiking, biking, drinking, and camping together, and have an insane about of fun together.
Today’s exercise focuses on your ideal community of friends. If you had a magic wand, what kind of community would you create for yourself? And what are you doing to build the community of friendship that you deserve?
Some Questions to Ponder
- How do you define a community of friends?
- How many friends do you want in your life?
- How important is having a local group of friends versus virtual friends or friends living around the world?
- Do you want friends to drop by spontaneously or do want friends to schedule plans weeks in advance?
- Do you want your friends to know your other friends?
- Do you like peaceful friends or crazy makers?
- Do you want your circle of friends to be filled with new friends, your oldest friends, or a mix of both?
The picture above represents 32 years of friendship. We were all friends in the first grade and met for drinks last weekend to celebrate our many years of friendship. Unfortunately they live 300 miles away from me and I don’t get to see these fabulous women very often.
I Want to Know!
I would love to learn about your current circle of friends and I want to know what your ideal local community of friends looks like to you. Will you please share in the comments section of this post?
I’m off to house hunt this afternoon. I’m searching for the ideal neighborhood that’s filled with lots of my soon-to-be friends. Wish me luck!
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[…] Authentic Happiness Series. Be sure to read part one (self care), part two (home environment), and part three (community) if you missed […]
[…] Authentic Happiness Series. Be sure to read part one (self care), part two (home environment), and part three (community) and part four (career) if you missed […]
If I had a wand, I would dare not touch my friends with it. If I could change them to my liking then they could not be themselves, right? I could not learn from them. They would be me.
I would touch the environment. Lots of green stuff, a lake, a river, a coffee shop, playgrounds -for adults too-, a “Common House” that is a space for people to use as they like, lots of pedestrians pathways, and a common garage at the entrance of the place, ducks, squirrels…
(OK back to real life…)
Stacey,
I think my ideal community of friends matches my current circle of friends – a good thing, I guess.
I am married and have several children. A number of my friends are married and have children as well while others are single. Some of them I work with and they live close by while others live hundreds or thousands of miles away. Some are older than me and others are significantly younger than me. Some are calm and some are crazy.
This variety in my circle of friend allows me to experience many different things in life. I don’t think I would change a thing…
Jake | Revive Your Life´s last blog post..The Challenge of Change – Fear of the Unknown
I spend 13 years parenting a special needs child and then another 3 assisting my mother in her dying and became very isolated. I did not have a blog and that community. When I met old “friends” in the grocery store they did not seem to care and only asked if I was still so intense/ or insisting that my child was worth noticing and assisting…and then I am sure abandoned because they could not relate. No invitations or lunch dates or words of empathy, and even the 24/7 work habits of my partner left me – on my own.
Community is vitally important as is touch and appreciation…my words were too “far out” – I envy the book groups and play groups that are together still after 30 years…
To be loved well enough to have someone argue with you, or just show up with a casserole when you get out of the hospital after cancer surgery….even my church did not come through…
One or two did and one or two more made sure my children got to events and were cared for during the really bad moments, but I knew I had to rise up and do it by myself…
I have the start of a wee book group…and everyday I work at emerging….
I can not stress enough the importance of community and support…
Thank you for this series of good posts –
Patricia´s last blog post..Kindle 2 and 5 Things I Love About It!
Having friends has always been a weird thing with me. Because I married and had children so young other young women all my age were in college. All my friends were 10 years older than me. Then when my girls were all in school and I went back to college during the day all my friends were younger than me!
I didn’t have neighborhood friends because we lived in the country & far away from everyone. Then when we moved into the city my girls were in high school and I’d go to all their sporting events and all the bleacher moms were again younger than I.
It wasn’t until I got into expanding on my spirituality that I felt I had true friends.
Now (at the higher end of mid life) I’ve moved into a new state and have one very good neighborhood friend (my age!) who can stop over anytime. I think of her as my surrogate sister. I’m fussy over who I make friends with because I only want a few real good friends.
A month ago I was reading http://www.welcometojulieworld.blogspot.com and loved it. I looked up Julie’s bio and found out she lived in AZ. I emailed her and asked her if she wanted to meet and be friends. She replied yes, we met and were going hiking soon. I feel she will be a “rest of my life” friend.
It seems I’ve had new friends each decade of my life. Many I will always love but we aren’t part of each others lives anymore and never will be.
Sometimes it’s just time to move on.
So ideally I would like new friends who are like minded, fun and love spending time outdoors. I’m currently looking into hiking groups, art classes and other things I’m interested in. Nobody is coming to me. I’m very proactive.
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog post..Magical Mondays Make Them 1/7 Of Your Life
I like having a circle of friends that makes you more of who you are, and grow your skills through life.
J.D. Meier´s last blog post..Bloom’s Taxonomy for Learning
Miguel – I would not touch my friends with a magic wand either, but I’d love to magically have all of my friends living closer to me so we could be one big happy local community.
Jake – Yes, that is a great thing! It sounds as if you have a brilliant mix of friends.
Patricia – Thank you for sharing your stories and for being part of my online community. I passionately want a local community of friends where we are all there for each other as we experience the peaks and valleys of life. I’m realizing I need to build this type of community and nurture it with some old fashion TLC.
Tess – I love that you are taking bold steps to build new friendships. Perhaps I should also look into hiking groups and art classes in my area. Taking the initiative to create the community you want can be exhausting at times, but in the long term it is worth the effort. Here I go charging on…
J.D. – Well said. I love having people around me who enjoy interacting with my authentic self.
Hi Stacey. My friends are usually 5 to 10 years older than I am and I prefer to have fewer close, connected friendships, rather than a lot of surface friendships. My friends don’t know each other. I will meet up with one for coffee one day, and go for a walk with another the next day. It’s hard to get people’s schedules organized to be able to meet up on the same day. Just the same, we all have similar interests so if they were all to be introduced, I think we’d get along just dandy.
Davina´s last blog post..The Morning Muse — Photo Story
Hi Stacey,
You look so happy in the photo. I can tell you truly value friendships, especially those that have stood the passage of time. My friends are all over the world by now, though thankfully a few are still nearby and we meet a few times a year. I’m blessed to have the friends I do. Thanks for reminding us to celebrate our friendships. And thanks for being one of my blogging friends!
Daphne @ Joyful Days´s last blog post..Attaining Spiritual Peace
Davina – I’m not a fan of having too many surface friends either, but I’d love to have many soulfully connected friends around. You are reminding me that I need to schedule more time with my local friends. Making plans is key since my friends are so busy.
Daphne – I do truly value friendships, especially ones that are flexible. I am also blessed to have the friends that are in my life and give thanks that you are one of my e-friends.
I think this is a great question: “How many friends do you want in your life?” I feel like I’ve been asking this question of myself for decades. At some points in my life I’ve had tons of friends but didn’t feel close with any of them. At other points, I’ve had a few very close friends. I guess the amount of friends you have depends on what type of person you are (very social? anti-social?) and where you are in your life. Right now I have a handful of great friends and a few others I am friendly with. I’m pretty happy with that. 🙂
Positively Present´s last blog post..this IS it
Your community of friends is so very fun to have, and I wouldn’t mind have a dream neighborhood like that! Great post Stacey
BC Doan´s last blog post..Images for the Second Week of April
Thanks for this post. My ideal friends would not let me get away with neglecting my own happiness. Wow, in fact I was actually just talking to one of these people!
Positively Present – Thanks for pointing out how our friendships change over time. I suppose it is part of the natural flow of life.
BC Doan – I’ll let you know once I’m living this dream. Wish me luck!
Chris Edgar – Amen!
As a human being evolves to tap into inner knowing, he realizes he loves everyone equally everywhere. This revelation means the idea of desiring to live amongst a community of friends makes no sense. To know that every being is your friend, regardless of geographic proximity, means you grasp every being merits love and acceptance. Judgment dissolves. No person is viewed as better or more lovable than anyone else. Perception shifts.
Liara Covert´s last blog post..Why learn to split consciousness?
You’re off to house hunt? How awesome!!
I’m more of a loner while growing up. The friends I hung around with when I got older were a group of party-goers. Being seen clubbing and doing all the cool stuff was what defined me back then.
These days, I try to surround myself more and more with like-minded friends. I don’t know that many locally who are on the same spiritual path as me. So I am hoping to attract more. On the other hand, I treasure my inner space a lot. I may be alone but do not experience loneliness.
Evelyn Lim´s last blog post..Lose Yourself To Find Yourself
Liara – Thank you for sharing your insight. What I am hearing you say is that my sense of community comes from a place from within.
Evelyn – I can relate to your need for inner space. I suppose I need a balance between my (alone) inner space and my time in the midst of community.
How many friends I want in my life? I have 5 very close friends and that is all I need. I have a lot of friends, just not everyone are as dear to my heart as the 5. Honestly I think I am bless to have 5 dear old friends that I know I can count on no matter what.
Thank you for the reminder of friendship, I am going to call them tomorrow.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Giovanna Garcia´s last blog post..The gift of Acceptance.
Good luck with the neighborhood hunting!
I love that photo you shared. How wonderful that after all this time, you have kept in touch. I moved to another country from my grade school friends and have not kept up with those connections.
However, I have a wonderful circle of friends from my church, a basketball group, and writer’s groups. They are a blessing in my life.
Jewel/Pink Ink´s last blog post..A Series of Dares
Hi Stacey – I’ve never been like that woman in the video (as far as the community she experiences goes, I mean). I used to wish I was, but I know now that I just have a different personality from that – I’m too individual – I just don’t fit in with them! I somehow manage to get the support and connection I need these days, from Frank and whoever else is around. Good luck with the house hunting and community hunting, Stacey!
Robin´s last blog post..Tomato Seeds And Delicious Fruit
Giovanna – I hope you enjoyed your phone calls!
Jewel – Thanks. I’m looking forward to my 20th high school reunion this summer so I can see more of my K-12 friends.
Robin – It’s wonderful to know you are filled with a sense of support and connection.
Hi Stacey,
I have one friend that I have known since we were two. No matter where life took us, we always stayed in touch. For the last few years, we ended up living in the same area and we get together once a month to have a girl’s night out. Each time we get together it feels like when we were kids. It is great to have that history with someone.
However, despite that wonderful friendship, I do feel a bit outplace in the area that we currently live in although this where I grew up but I have met so many wonderful people through blogging, it just does not matter anymore. 🙂
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog post..Who Do You Want To Be?
Hi, Stacey: Your topic is delightful!
I’ve five friends I’m blessed to call lifelong friends. One I met in first grade, three I met nearly 30 years ago, and one is my sister. They are the kind of friends I can share anything with; I’m so blessed! Other than that, I was always afraid to let anyone too close, and I was timid about creating even casual acquaintances; social chit-chat just wasn’t comfortable, or even meaningful, to me.
Some while ago, though, I experienced a vast change. For some time, I’ve seen the world just as Liara describes it, and now, finally, the light is pouring in! I’m not worried about social chit-chat, anymore, because now I see that everyone I meet is a potential friend! Whether they become so or not depends on how open I want to be. And I choose open. It’s amazing! All manner of relationships have changed dramatically.
That said, I absolutely need my alone time. I crave it. There are only so many hours in the day, and I could easily book each one of them with appointments with myself. It’s how I regroup, refresh, retain my “me-ness.”
I’m fortunate to live in a nearly rural area where neighbors all know each other or know of each other, and we watch out for each other, and we socialize individually and as groups. Group friendships are wonderful. I love being able to bring people together and my more personal friendships have some overlapping, now, even without me. Isn’t that great?
PS to Tess: Thank you!! 🙂
Julie´s last blog post..Gone Sailing
PS: I hope you find exactly the kind of neighborhood you’re looking for. 🙂
Julie´s last blog post..Gone Sailing
Nadia – Hi! I have a similar friend (we met when we were 16, moved away, and ended up in the same city). Getting together with her is always a blast! And I can totally relate to what you are saying about your online blogging community. My blogging community is the best!
Julie – I do not like small talk either. I’m looking for real authentic
conversations. It’s funny, I crave alone time and I crave being in the midst of a social community.
By giving a totally honest answer to “how are you?” muttered in pasisng, I’ve had long conversations in grocery stores and school events that makes nearly every encounter a friendship, if only in the moment of passing. After years in the community, it is wonderful to walk down the street and know those quick “hellos” are heartfelt.
A lifetime of that sort of connection has created a link of friends all over the world who are now in much closer touch because of the internet. My honesty on my blog has opened a new source of friendship, introducing me to many people I look forward to meeting face-to-face.
You’re one of them.
Kip de Moll – Hi! Thank you for your heart-felt comment. Oh, how I would love to host a party and have all my blogging friends travel in for the occasion. I’ve been thinking a lot about Vermont lately as she sheds her winter coat for her extraordinary mud season.
Hi Stacey, thanks for the questions. It is useful to me.
Since I have been blogging, my friends are all over the world now, including you. 🙂
Virtual and local, it’s all great.
I like friends who drop in unannounced, yes! We grew up in an area like that, everybody was always in and out of everyone else’s house. So much fun.
Definitely like the peacemakers. And yes, be great for all my friends to all know each other.
Jannie Funster´s last blog post..Twitterpated (not!) (yet)
Hi Stacey,
I just read your quote over at Lance’s blog. That was a great one.
I have three lifelong friends. What I like the most about growing old together is we can share those moments of “remember whens” and then laugh, cry, sigh….
It would be awesome to live close to my real life friends, but since I don’t we make good use of the telephone and internet.
I also love my blogging buddies. Although cyber friendship is different than real life, through the virtual world they can give us support others don’t understand our love of blogging and sharing. I see it as a win-win and I end up with friends all over the world.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog post..About Me – The Most Important Page On Our Blog
I cherish the relationships I have in the ‘real world’ and in the virtual world and, like you, desire living in a neighborhood filled with friends… and operate in a virtual world filled with friends.
Thanks for part 3 of this series, I loved them all..
Regards,
Darren
Darren Sproat´s last blog post..On Growing a Dream
Arswino – It is such a gift to now have friends around the world. This global blogging circle is priceless.
Jannie – Yes, a busy friendly community is so much fun.
Barbara – I love those “remember when” conversations when we laugh until we cry.
Darren – Too bad we don’t live in the same neighborhood. Looks like we are looking for the same sort of friendly street. Fortunately, we live in the same virtual community.
I belive you should move to some small city. People there tend to be really friendly (as soon as you stop being a stranger to them obviously). Living around your friends in the city might be really hard.
Stancja´s last blog post..Wroc?aw 23.04.2009: Mam do wynaj?cia
I feel like I am on a roller coaster with friendships.
Being chronically sick, losing a bit of my hearing and after my divorce, I felt isolated.
I am genuine and have no trouble making friends, however, keeping them has been a challenge. I tried Friendster since I was cooped up at home and loved the friends I made on there but then all of a sudden, most of them dropped out of my life.
I am feeling like the male friends have stuck with me more. I hate to say and now that I have been busy with school, volunteer work and life as a single parent, I feel so out of touch with the friends I do have…and it’s been a challenge to re-connect. Any ideas for me? I love your blog by the way!